Dinnertime Discussion
By Amy Fulfer

A couple of weeks ago, I went out to eat lunch with some friends. The food was great, the company was wonderful, but I found one particular topic of conversation rather surprising.

A discussion arose about women with college educations who chose to leave their careers to raise their children. I wasn’t actively engaged in the conversation, because I was flanked by my own preschool aged offspring who required much assistance with their lunches.

No one looked at me when the comment was made, “Now why would a woman pay all that money to get a degree just to sit around the house babysitting?” I was taken aback; not to discover that someone felt that way, but that one of my friends was expressing such unmasked disdain, in my presence, of decisions I’d made for my life. His comment was probably not directed at me, but I have to admit, I took it personally. I was glad that no one looked my way, so I didn’t have to make any of the angry comments that were furiously buzzing around in my head.

I was immediately on the defense about the words “sit around.” I don’t know when I’ve had less time to sit around than after becoming a mother. No matter how busy I was before, at the very least I always had my sleeping and bathroom hours to myself. I felt offended he had minimized nurturing and child-rearing to simply “babysitting;” merely being physically present with a child to meet his physical and safety needs without making a personal investment in him.

After I cooled off, I realized there was a real question underneath his criticism. Putting aside the unfortunate choice of words that would make most mothers see red, he was asking, “Why would someone pay thousands for an education and then chose, as a career, something that doesn’t require an education, and doesn’t even pay minimum wage?”